Funny Quotes and Sayings

1. Life becomes useless and insipid when we have no longer either friends or enemies.

2. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

3. On the other hand... you have different fingers.

4. I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

5. Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.

6. Money Talks ... but all mine ever says is Goodbye!

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people.

9. There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them.

10. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Short Funny Sayings and Quotes

1. Having one child makes you a parent, having two makes you a referee.

2. Morning news is where they begin with 'Good Morning', and then proceed to tell you why isn't it.

3. It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

4. It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly. - Oscar Wilde

5. I've got a... uh... uh... Oh yeah - a photographic memory!

6. 8 qualities of a PERFECT boyfriend... Brave,Intelligent, Gentle,Polite, Energetic, Non-alcoholic, Industrious, Self-organised. In short, B.I.G.P.E.N.I.S.

7. My understanding of women goes only as far as the pleasures. - Michael Caine (Alfie, 1966)

8. I have a good, hearty laugh and an energetic handshake, and those are trump cards. - Albert Camus

9. Bigamy : one husband too many. Monogamy : same thing.

10. Anywhere is walking distance, if you’ve got the time.

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