Short Funny Sayings and Quotes

1. I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. - Woody Allen

2. Heavier than air flying machines are impossible.

3. Be creative, invent a perversion.

4. I want you to know that our friendship means a lot to me. You cry I cry.You laugh I laugh. You jump out of the window... I look down and then... I laugh again.

5. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level.

6. On an elevator in New York: Elevator out of order.Scribbled underneath: Try the ones across the street.

7. I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy. (Clown Prince of American Humor, 1975)

8. I Don’t Know What Makes You So Dumb, But It Really Works.

9. Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.

10. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over the strings are attached.